Refining Me

It has been one tough month. Tim was laid off and just started a new job. Dealing with the lay off was much easier than dealing with this new job. We went from spending every lunch together and having dinner as a family at 5:30 to trying to wait until 8:00pm for dinner with him and spending 2 hours together. Working 10+ hours a week just wasn't in the plan for me. Having our 5 children was easy when he was working mostly from home. My heart wants to just trust and know that God's plan is larger than life. It has been a refinement that is not easy. The Lord is chiseling those things I was holding on to and laziness was one of them. He is showing me what I'm made of, through Him. I can not do this, but HE CAN. That is where my hope and peace is in. I know this fire we are going through is to refine us. He promises we won't get burned!

"Have you not know? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the LORD, The Creator of the ends of the earth, Neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall, But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint" Isaiah 40:28-31

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the LORD your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior…” (Isaiah 43:1-3

The more I read His word, the more I fall in Love with Him. How can I not? He is the Savior to us sinners, He loves us no matter what. Even when I question what is He doing, He is patient with me. Is this the job I want for my husband and family, no. But I am totally surrendering to the refinement My Jesus is doing in my heart.
I've heard this song a million times. It wasn't until today it made sence to me. Sanctus Real, Whatever Your Doing:


It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

Jesus bring the rain

If that's what it takes to praise you. Does my heart really mean that? I want to, but faced with trials do I praise Him when the rain comes. This song has been on repeat for the last week. You see, those trials are here. My husband, the sole bread maker for this family of 7 got laid off. Rewind 2 months ago. I had been praying about some things put on my heart. I remember telling God whatever it takes. YIKES! I see, even right now, how God may be answering. Not what I expected, but would I have it any different. I mean why would I not praise Him right now. I'm excited to see what the Lord is going to do with this! Will we move, will we not. Do I home school, do I not. Right now maybe it's easy... we have food, a roof over our heads, amazing friends and family praying. Maybe the real trial hasn't happened yet. Will I be found praising Him when I don't know where our next meal will come from or when unemployment doesn't cover the rent. I HOPE and PRAY that YES I WILL! The lyrics to this song say it all...

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that
I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings
You glory And I know there'll
be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to
praise You Jesus, bring the rain

I am yours regardless of the clouds that may
loom above because you are much greater than
my pain you who made a way for me suffering
your destiny so tell me whats a little rain

yes, no, maybe so

It's been a very long time. I'm just not sure how to make the time for this. I love that I can just write what I feel, but with five children not sure if I should try to keep this up. I keep saying yes, it's my time, no you don't have the time or maybe you can try. So, I have no idea. I can't even make up my mind on what to eat for dinner!
See, now I hear baby moving, the other yelling, mommy I'm done and water running from somewhere.....
Okay. Lots has happened. We had our sweet baby girl February 25th. She was a week early (first early baby) and weighted 9lbs! I was shocked. She wasn't my biggest but come on, a week early. She's super sweet. We are so blessed. I love how the Lord has changed mine and Tim's heart to be as one in our desire to have a large family. I come from a big family and always knew I wanted 4 kids. My husband comes from a very small family and said he was never getting married or having kids! haha I never pressured Tim. When he said after our 4th that he was done I said okay. Well in my heart (total God thing) I was not done. So I began praying that the Lord would have us on the same page. If we were to be finished than I would feel that too, and if not than Tim would not feel "done". So months later, Tim came to me and said I'm not done! After that he had 3 dreams, 3 nights in a row that I was pregnant and that everything would be okay. Yeah, well I was pregnant! Now after Charlotte, our baby girl he hasn't said he's done:) So we'll be praying. Also, we've been praying about homeschooling. Especially since Austin came home and asked us what porn was!!!! No I'm not naive thinking homeschooling will solve all that, but it sure will give me time to pour into them. And along with that we are looking to move. I am really ready to move. My neighborhood, oh you would think we lived, well yeah. So, the kids have seen stuff, like neighbors house being raided with under covers wearing ski masks, beer thrown in our backyard and they don't like going outside. Don't blame them. Lots going on. Raising a family is tough, raising a godly family, wow. But God is good and faithful. We are excited to see what He will do this year for us. For now, I'm going to love on my babies and be a wife to my husband. Until the next time we meet....