Refining Me

It has been one tough month. Tim was laid off and just started a new job. Dealing with the lay off was much easier than dealing with this new job. We went from spending every lunch together and having dinner as a family at 5:30 to trying to wait until 8:00pm for dinner with him and spending 2 hours together. Working 10+ hours a week just wasn't in the plan for me. Having our 5 children was easy when he was working mostly from home. My heart wants to just trust and know that God's plan is larger than life. It has been a refinement that is not easy. The Lord is chiseling those things I was holding on to and laziness was one of them. He is showing me what I'm made of, through Him. I can not do this, but HE CAN. That is where my hope and peace is in. I know this fire we are going through is to refine us. He promises we won't get burned!

"Have you not know? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the LORD, The Creator of the ends of the earth, Neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall, But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint" Isaiah 40:28-31

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the LORD your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior…” (Isaiah 43:1-3

The more I read His word, the more I fall in Love with Him. How can I not? He is the Savior to us sinners, He loves us no matter what. Even when I question what is He doing, He is patient with me. Is this the job I want for my husband and family, no. But I am totally surrendering to the refinement My Jesus is doing in my heart.
I've heard this song a million times. It wasn't until today it made sence to me. Sanctus Real, Whatever Your Doing:


It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

Jesus bring the rain

If that's what it takes to praise you. Does my heart really mean that? I want to, but faced with trials do I praise Him when the rain comes. This song has been on repeat for the last week. You see, those trials are here. My husband, the sole bread maker for this family of 7 got laid off. Rewind 2 months ago. I had been praying about some things put on my heart. I remember telling God whatever it takes. YIKES! I see, even right now, how God may be answering. Not what I expected, but would I have it any different. I mean why would I not praise Him right now. I'm excited to see what the Lord is going to do with this! Will we move, will we not. Do I home school, do I not. Right now maybe it's easy... we have food, a roof over our heads, amazing friends and family praying. Maybe the real trial hasn't happened yet. Will I be found praising Him when I don't know where our next meal will come from or when unemployment doesn't cover the rent. I HOPE and PRAY that YES I WILL! The lyrics to this song say it all...

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that
I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings
You glory And I know there'll
be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to
praise You Jesus, bring the rain

I am yours regardless of the clouds that may
loom above because you are much greater than
my pain you who made a way for me suffering
your destiny so tell me whats a little rain

yes, no, maybe so

It's been a very long time. I'm just not sure how to make the time for this. I love that I can just write what I feel, but with five children not sure if I should try to keep this up. I keep saying yes, it's my time, no you don't have the time or maybe you can try. So, I have no idea. I can't even make up my mind on what to eat for dinner!
See, now I hear baby moving, the other yelling, mommy I'm done and water running from somewhere.....
Okay. Lots has happened. We had our sweet baby girl February 25th. She was a week early (first early baby) and weighted 9lbs! I was shocked. She wasn't my biggest but come on, a week early. She's super sweet. We are so blessed. I love how the Lord has changed mine and Tim's heart to be as one in our desire to have a large family. I come from a big family and always knew I wanted 4 kids. My husband comes from a very small family and said he was never getting married or having kids! haha I never pressured Tim. When he said after our 4th that he was done I said okay. Well in my heart (total God thing) I was not done. So I began praying that the Lord would have us on the same page. If we were to be finished than I would feel that too, and if not than Tim would not feel "done". So months later, Tim came to me and said I'm not done! After that he had 3 dreams, 3 nights in a row that I was pregnant and that everything would be okay. Yeah, well I was pregnant! Now after Charlotte, our baby girl he hasn't said he's done:) So we'll be praying. Also, we've been praying about homeschooling. Especially since Austin came home and asked us what porn was!!!! No I'm not naive thinking homeschooling will solve all that, but it sure will give me time to pour into them. And along with that we are looking to move. I am really ready to move. My neighborhood, oh you would think we lived, well yeah. So, the kids have seen stuff, like neighbors house being raided with under covers wearing ski masks, beer thrown in our backyard and they don't like going outside. Don't blame them. Lots going on. Raising a family is tough, raising a godly family, wow. But God is good and faithful. We are excited to see what He will do this year for us. For now, I'm going to love on my babies and be a wife to my husband. Until the next time we meet....

Bold?

Lately, my heart has been so grieved by the burdens of others. Maybe sensitive from the pregnancy, or maybe the Lord is showing me that my little problems are so small. So small. As I was listening to this song, Cry Out to JESUS, I was flooded by what I have seen in the last month. Going to the grocery store, and some very saddened parents buying so much alcohol with their baby with them. Being in an office and seeing this single mom who is tired and her child begins to cry, to punch him in the side to get him to stop. My son's teacher's brother commits suicide because it's just not worth living anymore, evening for you children. I can go on with this, in just one month. Why Lord, have you made me see all this. Perhaps there is so much praying and a need for them to you know Lord. See, I'm not a very bold person. Actually opposite. I'm super shy and have lost so many, too many opportunities to tell people about a hope that I know changed my life! I know how those kids feel, I know what it is to be brought up in a home full of anger and no hope. So, my prayer is the courage to be BOLD, to be sensitive of all the hurt and pain. This is only a glimpse. Jesus sees all the pain, even when we hide. He not only sees, He loves and cares far beyond any drug or alcohol or sex or anything. My prayer is that we are all willing to ask someone, how are you really doing! Take time to talk to someone. He is our only hope. So during this beautiful Christmas season, I'm going to smile more, ask strangers how are they and not make it about me and what am I going to buy for my kids! I'm not saying that's wrong, I'm just saying for me, I want to focus on the hurt others are going through right now. Merry Christmas and that you Jesus for leaving your throne to serve others and die for us.

Thanks-Giving

Abraham Lincoln’s Thanksgiving Proclamation
October 3, 1863

It is the duty of nations as well as of men to own their dependence upon the overruling power of God; to confess their sins and transgressions in humble sorrow, yet with assured hope that genuine repentance will lead to mercy and pardon; and to recognize the sublime truth, announced in the Holy Scriptures and proven by all history, that those nations are blessed whose God is the Lord.

We know that by His divine law, nations, like individuals, are subjected to punishments and chastisements in this world. May we not justly fear that the awful calamity of civil war which now desolates the land may be a punishment inflicted upon us for our presumptuous sins, to the needful end of our national reformation as a whole people?

We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of heaven; we have been preserved these many years in peace and prosperity; we have grown in numbers, wealth and power as no other nation has ever grown.

But we have forgotten God. We have forgotten the gracious hand which preserved us in peace and multiplied and enriched and strengthened us, and we have vainly imagined, in the deceitfulness of our hearts, that all these blessings were produced by some superior wisdom and virtue of our own. Intoxicated with unbroken success, we have become too self-sufficient to feel the necessity of redeeming and preserving grace, too proud to pray to the God that made us.

It has seemed to me fit and proper that God should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged, as with one heart and one voice, by the whole American people. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November as a day of Thanksgiving and praise to our beneficent Father Who dwelleth in the heavens.

It's A.... for reals this time!

My last post was a tease, I admit. I prayed about opening that envelope (and about every decision on I ever make, big or small) and just felt that I wouldn't be bummed about not having this baby a surprise. On October 24th my mom calls me up and says dad wants to have a BBQ. I say, cool and the light bulb went on! Watching the Duggars I remembered how Josh and Anna found out. It's 12:25pm and I call our local bakery, okay Tim called because I'm a chicken. He told them we would like to have a cake made by 5pm with the color of the gender in the filling. She said well, we stop taking orders at noon but we'll do it! Thank you Lord. Little did they know they'd be the FIRST to know! So I rushed and took the sealed envelope to them. Picked up that special cake and come dessert I told my parents I brought dessert. They had no idea. They really had no idea that at this point no one still knew, boy or girl! I cut the cake, took about 10 minutes because I was so giddy, nervous, scared, excited. And, after all this writing........man I have some great photos and don't know how to put them on! STILL. Okay, still not working so it's a
GIRL!!!!! I was so excited! Girls won! That makes 2 boys and 3 girls. We are so blessed. God knew I had all the stuff. It's been 7 years for a boy, so all that stuff is mostly gone. Now we're thinking of names. Hopefully it won't be too long to get back here. I love it! And now I'm aware of mean bloggers, didn't know people could be so cruel to you if you love Jesus! Okay that's a whole nother (did i mention I'm not a perfect speller?)entry. God bless you!

We're having A.....

We went to our ultrasound appointment and everything looks great! Due date was right on, March 3rd. This will be our 3rd March baby!! I'm praying I'll go in before and not have to be induced. As I walked back I still was unsettled if we should find out or not. Keeping the last two a surprise was so much fun. So, Mrs. technician (sp) said why don't I take a picture and put it in an envelope. Okay, sounds great. That was yesterday, and we STILL haven't opened it! It hurts you more than me. I just can't. I feel, if I know I'll be this crazy planner and if I don't know I'll be this dotudodo (try humming it)kinda mom. I like that. lol For now I'll praise the Lord for a healthy baby!!
Now off to the rest of October with Austin's 11th birthday and Claires 2nd birthday. And to find a new book I can take to my long awaited Dr. Visits.